What I have learned: It is better to know than to believe. It is better to be loved, than to know. It is better to be alive, than to be loved. To be alive, is to believe. So....
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Remembering the Planning, Forgetting the Gotten
So often I work with detailed and fairly fast-moving plans involving inter-connected pieces. For example, I need to do A which requires B and C and C requires D and E to complete, and now A has been set aside, and now I need to do X Y Z....Meanwhile, I am hanging onto A in my memory, although it was never done, I am remembering my Plan or intention. Soon enough, that "memory" becomes what I remember. At numerous points, then, I can actually "remember" A, although I never did it. Scarey. Meanwhile, my memory of what actually took place, what actually happened while I was making the over-run Plans, starts dimming. Memories fade quite rapidly as new details and observations take up attention. What I actually "got" out of the whole layered process insofar as it is either unintended or simply superceded, then fades. My work is completely over-run: Even I do not recognize the results of what I do.
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Brideshead Revisited was prefaced by Evelyn Waugh: "I am not I; thou art not he or she; they are not they." We deviate from our own own-ness. You are based on You, but there is no There there.
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