Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The type of UN-believer who despises vicious little gods

I sat next to a Believer. After prodding, and only at the extremity of his relentless insistence, I revealed to him that I was an unrepentant sinner.  Indeed, I certified that I was the very worst of the species: I was not only an atheist as to his god, but I positively despised such a god. If his god existed, it should be ashamed of itself and I would not forgive it. If there was a heaven, I would shake its golden dust from my sandals and take my place among the suffering sinners for my eternity.

But I smiled gently into his dismay. I invited him to add the greatest of all jewels to his crown, and "warn" me. I echoed St. Paul's assurance that a Believer has only to warn those who have fallen away, so as to achieve further elevation in the hierarchies of heaven.

"For your own assurance," I said, "Give me a warning". He looked startled.

"Warn me!" I said. "But be specific. Recall that I am a righteous man. I struggle to avoid false pride and hypocrisy, and I treat others as I would be treated. What outcome awaits me that a god worthy of worship has prepared for me?"

The Believer eagerly stepped up to the bait of self-aggrandizement, and warned me of eternal damnation. He assured me, apparently without a hint of the irony, that my destiny would be made unpleasant at the hands of a god willing to torture a righteous man for the sin of refusing to worship at the feet of a torturer.